I want to kill myself tonight?

i had an extremely abusive childhood, iv been raped 2 times, and now i am completely suicidal living in a house where no one cares. my suicidal problems started when i was ten. i realized that since the abuse started i prayed every night for god to help me and he never did. thats when i learned there is no god or jesus. i had never done anything to deserve what i had gone thru so why would i be punished? i still dont believe in god. i started trying to kill myself when i was 12. everyone treated me like ****. i was unwanted. i tried to hang myself but i stuck to cutting. as time went by my problems got worse. i cant stop cutting. i was forced to move back in with my dad. he doesnt care. i was taken to a hospital for attemtped suicide. they wanted to put me in a psyche ward, dad said he'd rather take me home and forget about it. dad didnt press charges when i was raped. now im being shunned for what my best friend did at a church. my meds and my therapist dont help. i just want to end it tonight.